How to manage grief, loss & the holidays?
Christmas is such a wonderful time of year as we get to celebrate the birth of Jesus, see pretty lights, enjoy the holiday parties and fun events. I love the joy and laughter seeing Christmas through the eyes of a child and opening presents. There is a lot of beauty and wonder this time of year.
With that, the holidays can also be a challenging time of year for many. It may be grief, loss or feelings of loneliness. Maybe it's dealing with the emotions of unmet and unfulfilled dreams. Grief and loss can come in different ways. Loss of a loved one, friend, miscarriage or someone near and dear to you. It could be the loss of a job, a divorce, death of a pet, a loss of friendship or home and financial loss. If you can relate to any of these or hits hits to home, I first want to say I am so sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I want to let you know that I send my deep condolences, thoughts, and prayers during this difficult time and season.
I know I can’t fully comprehend how you are feeling, but I want you to know my heart goes out to you. As someone who has gone through many sources of grief and losses, I can relate just an ounce of what you are going through. It’s my hopes I can bring you a sense of encouragement and some helpful tips that helped me during difficult times. Over the last five to seven years, I have lost several family members, 2 pets, unfulfilled dreams, had to sell a home and losses of friendships. It has been gut runching and so painful. During those times it was my faith, family and community that brought me comfort. I held onto this special Bible verse in my heart and read it often. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV. There is a loving God who wants to come near to those who are hurting and suffering, especially to you.
Grief and loss can affect people differently and also have several stages. First, it may be the busy, shock and denial stage. The time where you are preparing for the funeral, working with belongings, selling property and reading wills. When things finally slow down and people are not around as much the sadness can hit. It could also lead to a stage of anger, regrets, and deep mourning. Thoughts of “I wish I did that or said that to the person.” It may even lead to a time or feelings of depression. These may differ in intensity for each individual. I believe it is healthy and good to take the proper time and stages too grieve. You will never forget those people or spaces of loss, but in time it becomes less intense and gets a tiny bit easier.
This time of a year, can bring a lot of triggers for many people. It might be a decoration, a picture, seeing someone, a memory, or not having that special person at the dinner table. With that, something that may help is to prepare yourself that triggers and emotions can come at you anytime. Allow yourself the space and time if those moments happen. If emotions are high and unbearable, I encourage you to reach out to someone. Maybe it’s a family member, friend, pastor, mentor or someone that can listen. After several of my own losses, I met with a Stephen’s Ministries mentor. It was helpful to have someone just to talk with and listen. She also suggested journaling and writing out how I felt, my thoughts and emotions. It's been a healthy way for me to process.
I thought I would also share a few other suggestions counselors, pastors, mentors, and pastoral services encourage the patient's family I work with. It is good to stay active if possible if it’s exercise, getting outdoors or an activity you love. Unfortunately, many people want to withdraw and isolate when dealing with grief. Be gentle with yourself, but try to do what brings you joy. What are the things that fill your cup and lifts your spirits? Is it laughter, nature, a funny movie, a great book or time with friends and family. Through time, it is good to start creating new traditions and memories.
When people experience grief, divorce, loss, and loneliness, sometimes there is a tendency to want to numb out. Some may go to alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, and over-committing themselves to stay busy. If this is the case for you or have previous addiction issues, I encourage reaching out to someone you trust and can confide in. There are many resources available to you and that can help you process. These include counselors, grief counselors, classes, divorce care, Stephen’s Ministries, pastors, and mentors. These resources can be found at local churches, hospitals and other organizations and even work. Many companies offer employee help lines that you can reach out to for someone to talk to. ****At the bottom of this writing are some links to helpful resources.
Some people can feel timid or worried about reaching out to others that have experienced loss. They want to give the person space. It is case by case but for most, I think it is good to reach out to those who are dealing with grief and loss. Especially at the 30-90 day mark after the loss. This is peak time that grief begins to hit and others are not so in contact. Invite them to a meal, an activity or send them a card letting them know you are thinking of them. These are small ways that can bring them comfort.
Again, I want to let you know I am so sorry for this difficult time and send my condolences. It is my prayer that the God of comfort comes near to you. May you be filled with care, love, and a sense of hope during this season.
Few of my favorite comforting Bible Verses:
Psalms 34:18, Psalms 147:3, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Matthew 5:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, Revelations 21:4
Love, hugs, and many blessings,
Lisa Hice
RESOURCES:
Stephen’s Ministries-https://www.stephenministries.org/griefresources/default.cfm/774
Suicide Prevention: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/suicide-prevention
Mental Health & Addiction Helpline: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
